It is easy to read a wealth of Scripture for the purpose of "[putting] to death the deeds of the flesh". It is easy to install this or that program and hope it works out for the best. It is easy to think victorious thoughts and have great affection directed toward the idea of self-control and defeat of deep-seated passions that hurt ourselves and others. It is easy to attend seminars and talks and gatherings and events; to read books, articles, clippings, blogs, emails, and pamphlets. It's easy to ask for prayer if we keep the request vague enough.
Then it becomes easy to specify the prayers request and come clean about the state of our heart. To confess of the wrongs done and to weep over the offenses. To go into counseling as a sign of really wanting help. To make it almost commonplace for those around to know that you are fighting and struggling with sin. To throw oneself prostrate before God and thank Him for His mercy. To fast from things and to watch for the areas that so entice us to sin.
But after the above things are completed and before hands are thrown into the air in expectation of the approval of our efforts, there is still all that has to be done after everything else seems to fail: fight.
I don't mean repeat the other steps. I don't mean shout louder, prayer harder, think better, run faster, or beat our mental chest to pump us up for victory over ourselves finally.
No, I mean to slowly, painfully, painstakingly, methodically, consciously, purposefully, intentionally, expectantly, and in complete understanding of exactly how deep the darkness runs to fight tooth and nail against what it is that seeks us out. To understand that my old self is not simply wanting me to experience pleasure but to destroy me. What reason have I to think otherwise?
I am a rebel in my old self. And since I am "baptized into [Christ's] death" and "sin no longer has mastery" and "if anyone sins we have an advocate" and "the death Christ died to sin He died once and for all" and need to "consider myself dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus" and by the Spirit I am a "new creation" and that God has "not given us a spirit of timidity", then whatever is new has the upper hand on that which is old. Already. It already does. It does not wait for the day when sin is conquered; that day has come. This being the case, then all of the energy that had and has been directed toward destruction coming from my old self needs to be redeemed for Christ.
The Spirit of God dwells in me and by that power am I able to rebel against rebellion. Dependance on the Spirit is not inactive, passive hope that things turn out--the Spirit is not wasted power. It is the very defeat of sin breaking down the plotting tables and destructive plans of what could be serious damage. It is to make clear the lies I tell myself and the lies I buy into and the acceptance I've always given my sin and to turn them in on themselves.
It is to not give myself an inch. Given an inch, I will take miles of justifying my sin. Given a second's thought to that second look, I will play back hours of sinful thought. Given one excuse for why I did this or that, and I will craft an apologetics for me to defend the gift of God from bringing me true peace and happiness and joy: those that last and find their fulfillment in the God who created the universe and took time to make me more and more into the image of His Son; but who did not wait for me to stumble my way through, but freely declared me guiltless and is graciously and mercifully watching me grow.
Do not give me an inch or I will take it. Do not defend me as one amongst many. Do not allow me to stroke my ego or accept your reassurance that I am much better than I think I am--you will do more harm than you can imagine. Remind me not one shred of some mythical goodness that simply resides in me; rather, remind me of Grace. Grace that wells up into newness of life in me that turns my head upward so as to properly direct my steps here on earth. Without it I would turn on you in an instant. In my alleged inner-goodness I would use you as fast as possible for my own gain. If you think anything of me at all, then praise the One who gave me life. Praise Him who shows you love through me based on His love for you that conquered a heart that would sooner steal from you than show you the love of the Maker of your heart.
I want to know Christ.
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